Come out to play when you're hurt

2010-01-07T23:46:00.000+08:00

I'm sick and its very daunting. :(((((
I had no apetite for anything and there's this bitter taste in my mouth.

School had been okay so far, I shouldn't skip classes anymore or I'll get debar anytime soon.

I think I want to die now. I hate being sick.

It's already 2010

2010-01-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

I got so drunk I didn't remember half the things I did during countdown'10.

but I pretty much messed it up, again.

& under the influence of alcohol, everything is so fine and light and happy.

After that once the hangover kicks in, urgh. I hate that.

but happy new year, I had fun with Afad, Fafa and Myra. :D

<33

2009-12-28T01:45:00.000+08:00

Family just got back from Penang and it's already chaotic.
I missed the solitary moments when I'm all alone.
:(

So these few days had been insane too * kinky smile*
HAHAHAHA
But back to reality, I have to play it cool.

Payday is tomorrow. I'M EXCITED BEYOND COMPREHENSION!!

I've been roaming around always looking down and all I see

2009-12-20T03:34:00.003+08:00

For some reason, I don't think I like myself now.
Contradicting because I am in a better position than I am last year but you know when you changed so much that you've become the person you used to loathe?

Yes, my self esteem and confidence has evidently improved but I am not a good person.
I have lost control of myself more than I can remember & I'm giving myself a bad name for behaving this way.

I'm sorry if the attention gets the better out of me, sometimes I don't know how to hold back my feelings and you know how teenage raging hormones can be.

I say things I don't mean it and I regret them, seriously.
People will always have the impression of you by how you make them feel.
It will stay attach to their mind forever, or until you do something really nice to them.
I have hurt nice people and I apologise profusely for that.
I think compliments are making me feel ignorant towards other people's feelings and I swear I will learn my lesson this time.

For that, I am now serving my karma. Yes I do fucking believe in karma.
& this hurts like hell, I just don't want to wear it on my sleeve because I deserve to suffer in silence.

I'm unhappy that became the person I don't really like.
You know how you say the things you don't wanna do yet you still do it subconsciously?
People change and you don't realised it until it's really starting to hurt, either you or the other party.

2009 had been a good year, no doubt about it but I feel that 2010 will be a better year.
I want to stop being judgemental and start to feel compassion towards others.
Not everyone deserve a bitchy lesson from me but seriously, I think people need it.

I have loved someone this year and you know what? The feelings never left since last year.
I just don't wish to ruin what we have now, I will forever look at you with my widest genuine smile but I rather us remain friends than to never speak at all. Losing you for a few months had been torturing, I don't want to risk another heartache. For now, this friendship is the best damn thing.

I am seventeen and I hope I can figure myself out soon enough.
Cheers to almost the end of the year, I have to party before I get grumpy from working six days straight.

& Cheers to everyone who have survived their hardest ordeals in life and still kicking some ass!

:D

2009-12-18T14:38:00.002+08:00

Work have been consuming most of my time but looking at money prospect, I don't mind working my ass off during the holidays since I'mma let my hair down this Sunday!

:D
Shefa is so cute!
I couldn't get to sleep yesterday till 5 am so I was glad she texted me but halfway through the conversation, I fell asleep but this is what she wrote :

Sleep tight bongok. Awak kene ckp thank you sbb ktr msg je awak tdu.

Tell me how perasan can one be in the wee hours? hahah!

& I miss everyone!

2009-12-13T00:45:00.001+08:00

SPOT THE BASTARD

2009-12-13T00:42:00.001+08:00

I'm tired and uninspired

2009-12-08T02:52:00.004+08:00

I think the reason why I've been thinking of you lately is how you remind me so much of happiness.

I don't think I love you, I have no capcity to do that right now.
I just think that these feelings, well they're deep infatutation.
There's that thing right?
Someday it will go away I guess, since you're not into me.
Atleast I wouldn't regret confessing because that's what been bugging me the whole year.

Everytime I see you, you radiate warmth.
There's no butterflies in my stomach, just comfy feeling.
I feel like I don't have to impress you or anything,
I feel that you don't have any expectation of me yet you even helped me through some hard phrase of life this year.

But then, sometimes I just feel like killing you for every reason.
Seriously, you make me want to dig your brains out and reprogrammed everything.

Uhm, for now.
I'm tired and uninspired but if you're on this page.
You're just bored out of your wits or probably you cared enough to see what's this all about.
Thank you for reading, :D

Listen up! No One sleeps when I'm awake

2009-12-05T02:52:00.003+08:00

For as long as I can remember, I am always excited about changes.
A fresh start, something new and always fun to explore things you've never seen or heard before.
But this one thing, I can't get over it.
I'm talking about one friendship that's already withered and no matter how much I'll water it everyday, it will never be as healthy as it was once before.
We're dead, deprived of every element needed for survival.

& when you're gone, every fiber of my being misses you.
I shall remember significant things though they don't emit any emotions now.
I'm cruel? I can be more evil than this, I can hurt you even more just by my tongue but I'm holding it back, every one of it.
It's like I'm backspacing every word and replacing it with a more polite way,
I will forever resent that bastard. The fucking bastard who poisoned you.
I'm sorry things have to happen this way, I'm still trying to come to terms with this.
It's all so new to me, you know I haven't learn a thing about forgiveness.

Till then, I wish unfortunate events would befall on you anymore,
You had too much this year and I shall miss you.
Goodbye for now,
you know I'm choking on how bitter this taste.

2009-11-27T00:13:00.003+08:00

I swear one side of my contact lens got lost somewhere, I just hope its not in my eye. I'll turn blind and there will be no way I can ogle at boys anymore. No waaaaaaaaaaaay! :(

Anyway, I have a temporary phone now. :)
Somehow, I can live without a phone for a week.
Away from distraction, I need it anyway.
I hate dealing with problems that's out of my control and when I'm helpless about it.
I'm alright now though, just really enjoyed solitary moments while it lasted.

A few exciting things happened at the same time one night,
seriously. THIS IS THE DRAMA THAT I WANT.
All that emotions just came gushing in, like the waves.
Each one triggers a different emotion, its like a roller coaster ride! '
Lucky this doesn't happen everyday, I'll die of heart failure !
I can't wait for another joyride, if it happens.
I'm so psyched for it!
Like finally, I get what I want.
I know I always do now, it will just take some time!!

& I've been a regular in school which is a very good thing to start off with.
Life has been hectic but I guess 2009 is a good year, for me at least.
I know someone whose world came tumbling down and I for once, have no sarcasm left to throw it to this person.
I'm still trying to find the perfect adjective to describe how I feel,
its beyond disappointment or just flabbergasted.
It's something more but frankly, my heart sank knowing that I'll the last one to know.

Anyway,
December gonna be fun!
See you around kids!

M Party!

2009-11-18T02:34:00.004+08:00

Zirca was great!
Although there's unexpected things that happened, I still enjoyed partying the night away but without the booze because I really cannot take scotch. baaaaaah.
& anyway, I'm uncontactable for a few days for which I am relieved as I don't have to answer calls I don't really want to pick up, like Mum.

She actually gave me a big scolding for choking on a fish bone. I wanted to cry but its so trivial and I don't want to be rude so I just finished my food even though I really lost my appetite.
What a waste of calories, I rather pile up the calories on something I really enjoyed.
=.-

I'm looking forward to school. I miss my girls very much. :(

sometimes, the best feeling in the world is just to feel that you're wanted, not loved or anything.

Blissful Sunday

2009-11-15T23:14:00.002+08:00

Sunday are pretty much a stay in day for me.
The week had been a crazy one & its only fair that I spend it being a couch potato minus the food cause I only had water while watching episode after episode of Gossip Girl on miOtv.
:D

Haikal's pit was today but that asshole told me at the eleventh hour so I don't bother to come even though I know its gonna fun! blarghhhh.

The thing that bugs me is my camera is malfunction.
I hate how irresponsible my sister can be, everytime I lend her stuffs
it's either not in the condition I gave her or it gets lost or really just beyond repair,
AND SHE DOESN'T FUCKING ADMIT IT.
bitch.
fucking bitch.

2009-11-10T01:42:00.002+08:00

I had alot to eat today. :S

Feelings are like scary monsters, I'm afraid of approaching them but the fucking thrill is what gets me going. How can you be sure its gonna be there for some time? I want to waste my time on something that's worthwhile but it irks me that everything I do that has to be affiliated to you.

Hey Sweetie,
don't blow your composure.
I like you the way you are.

I hate Mondays

2009-11-03T00:07:00.002+08:00

So you see, being in school after MIA for almost 2 weeks is good only that I hate Mondays.
& I feel so exhausted also.

Hmmm, I miss Faizal.
You, rindu kau bodoh!

Anyway, I started work also on Thursday.
I <33
I can't help but already imagining all the shopping that we're gonna do together and going to work together.
Who doesn't like working with your bestfriend! ahahahah!

I'm brushing up on my already deteriorating English so I might be hitting the Library ( no more procastinating! ) for some juicy books, if I'm not working that is. Oh! I like!!

Fire in my eyes, boys on my mind. They come and go. Kiss every man while you still can, like a lady

2009-10-21T22:41:00.002+08:00

<3 the sounds.

Hope You're Happy Now

2009-10-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

I should be studying for my upcoming O levels next week,
fuck it. Can't wait for it to end.

I'm not happy carrying this burden again.
Oh well, who am I kidding?
I'm still screwing up my life.

Once bitten, twice shy? HAHA
NEVER WORKED ON ME.

I should be hitting the books at midnight till the wee hours.
The best time to study intensively.

2009-10-21T21:15:00.000+08:00

my favourite soundtrack on 500days of Summer. (:

2009-10-21T18:14:00.000+08:00

I'm back on blogger,
I've missed you but I ain't sure if this gonna be permanent.
heh.